It’s okay to feel guilty (but you’re not).

First things first. This is not your fault. One more time for the people in the back, this is NOT YOUR FAULT.

But it was impossible not to feel guilt. My brain and feelings could not keep up with all the ways I felt guilty. Number one, and I know this has been disproved and shown to be untrue to me ten thousand ways, I felt guilty for not carrying the pregnancy all the way. I couldn’t help it. The thoughts crept in naturally despite my logical mind’s best effort to lock them out. Then, I felt guilty for feeling guilty. THEN I felt guilty for NOT feeling guilty. I mean, my poor brain was trying to rationalize with my emotions faster than I could realize which of them was in charge of me at any given moment. It was exhausting.

Here are some facts.

• 15-25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. One in four.

• Up to 80% of the time, a miscarriage in the first trimester is due to a chromosomal abnormality in the embryo inhibiting development.

• Since most miscarriages are completely random, having one does not increase the likelihood of experiencing pregnancy loss again.

So try to take a minute to acknowledge these feelings. But also try to zoom out. And in case this wasn’t clear enough before, believe me when I remind you that this is in no way your fault. It’s just not.